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Relationship Advice from Dr. Luvmore |
Dear Dr. Luvmore,
I was with my boyfriend for almost four years when my parents forced us to break up because they found out we were intimate with each other. ( I was only 15 at the time they found out) We have been apart for a little over a year now and we have been talking a lot again and I love it. I feel as if the part of me that was missing is back again.
I recently moved out of my house because things with me and my parents have gone downhill since they forced unhappiness upon me by making us break up, but we still talk and I still care what they think. Me and the guy have been spending all of our free time together again and we had a very long talk and he told me he still loved me with all of his heart and wanted nothing more than to be with me again.
Before we were forced to break up we had plans to marry and go to college together once we graduated. He and I are still very much in love and I know this is meant ! to be because we always come back to eachother no matter what. I know this is the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with and start a future with.
There is only one problem though. While we were apart he and I both dated other people and he happened to find another girl he liked very much at the time. They became very close and he got her pregnant. This was not intentional, but it happened. The girl is due in two months and he insists that as soon as she has her baby he wants to be with me. He and the girl aren't exactly together anymore but his family is very strict on him, as well as mine is on me. He is hispanic and I am white and his family gets along with the other girl much better than me because she is also hispanic and they feel more comfortable with her and they can actually talk to her because she knows spanish.
The guy loves the other girl and still cares about her, but he is not in love with her like he is with me. He can't see himself being with her for the rest of his life, like he sees himself with me. Both of us want to be together but he has this baby from the other girl coming.
He has told her he doesn't want to stay with her after the baby comes. He wants to pay child support and have joint custody. I am willing to be with him, despite the child, because I love him so much. I want to be able to love his child as much as he does and I want to be a part of his life again.
We have so much going against us, yet we both love each other unconditionally and are willing to fight to be together no matter what. I need advice on whether I should follow my heart, or conform to keep my family, and his, happy.
I don't want to pass up on my future though. I feel I should be the one to live my life and make my own decisions based on what I want, because in the end, I am the one who will have to deal with the outcomes and consequences of this later on in the future, not anyone else.
Please help me. Your advice would be greatly appreciated.
~Missing Love
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Dear Missing Love,
Your situation is a complicated one for someone at ANY age.
Right off the bat, however, there are a few things that worry me about this relationship. You say you've been dating him since you were 11, which is long before anyone is ready to have an intimate emotional relationship. Also, you didn't mention his age. Additionally, the fact that he has gone out and gotten someone else pregnant in the time that you were apart shows not only how irresponsible he is, but also where his heart lies (or at least what is controlling it).
Now, you may not want to hear this, and you've probably already been told it many times, but the truth is you have SO MUCH left to experience in life! This relationship is the only serious one you've ever experienced. Of course it seems like a powerful and amazing connection, you don't yet have anything to compare it to. You need to take time to spend with your friends and family, and get to know and date new guys. If you can open yourself up emotionally to new relationships, you might be surprised what you will find.
Give this guy time alone to sort out his responsibilities and take care of some hard decisions. Use this time to your advantage and experience life! Then, down the road, if you two do indeed end up together, you won't spend the rest of your life looking back and wondering what else you missed.
Live life, and keep me informed!
- Dr. Luvmore
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