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Relationship Advice from Dr. Luvmore |
Dear Dr. Luvmore,
I have been in love with my ex-husband for several years (we just recently divorced - he filed).
Before marriage he left a couple of times for a girl who has slept with all of his friends and treated him like dirt. Our divorce was strained, and I constanstly asked to go counseling, but he refused.
However, in the last several months we have managed to be friends and we have actually broken down a barrier finding that we still loved each other. He couldn't make up his mind about whether to come back stating that he still loved me, so I told him that he really needed to decide because my heart couldn't take all of this and he needed to take some time or maybe we should go to some type of counseling...reminding him that I still loved him.
Well, up until about three weeks ago, we were still talking and/or emailing each other, saying "love you" and "sweet dreams", and we even managed to spend time together alone with no interferances from family or friends.
This weekend I called him because I hadn't heard from him for a few days and he told me he was dating.
I was surprised but I tried to be supportive until he finally confessed who he was seeing...the girl I mentioned before!
I was shocked and hurt beyond belief! He told me how interesting she was and how he had hoped it might lead to something. Not even aware or remembering our talk a few weeks ago and how it was left. He knows how much this girl has caused problems with us in the past and needless to say how mean and hurtful she was to him and myself in the past.
I don't know what to do with my feelings of hurt and anger! My closest friends tell me that it shows his true character and that he was only playing a game. Somehow I can't help but feel like it's more of a punishment or another act of his friends influencing him once again.
Any advice to this struggle would be wonderful!
THANK YOU SO MUCH!
Hurt
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Dear Hurt,
You have good reason to be angry!
I know how hard it is when someone's behavior toys with your emotions - especially in this case, where it appears to be intentional.
Your ex has some SERIOUS issues with honesty, intimacy, and commitment.
Right now however, you both seem to be setting yourselves up for heartache. He is getting involved with this person that has hurt him in the past, and you can't seem to detach from this man who has caused you so much pain over so many years.
You need to move on. It won't be easy to let go of someone that has been such a major figure in your life, and you may need to find someone locally to help you work through this. Your ex needs help, but sounds like he's not going to get it any time soon.
The one thing you MUST know right now, is that his behavior will continue and you are only enabling it through yours.
If you don't have the ability to put this relationship behind you emotionally, you are dooming your future relationships to likely failure, even before they start.
Spend more time working on yourself; spend more time with your friends, meet new people. You'll be surprised just how wonderful a healthy romantic relationship can be.
You deserve nothing less!
Dr. Luvmore
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