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Relationship Advice from Dr. TRuth |
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Dear Dr. TRuth,
It seems to me that everybody I know has either a girlfriend or boyfriend and
this really makes me pissed off due to the fact that I don't have a
girlfriend and that the biggest losers or misfits in my school have one.
I
do socialize with girls, but it's just that I don't really have interest in
them for a relationship because either they're my friends, aren't my type,
don't know them real well, or I just kind of ignore them.
But, what i really
am looking for in a girl is: Extremely beautiful inside and out, someone who
loves hockey or ice skating, someone who is extremely smart and can handle my
personal problems, race- white(must be brunette), asian (light skin color and
silky hair), or Indian (light skin color and very sexy), loves pets, someone
who can calm my great anger and arrogance (I had to admit these weaknesses),
and someone who has a great body (perfect in my terms), funny, and someone
who is just about my height or slightly lower- lower than 6 feet but higher
than 5'3".
Though these qualities are way too much to ask for in a girl in
my area, I just want to meet one exactly like that.
Look, I know this is
crazy and won't happen, but at least give me a few tips on how to meet the
girl I desire, let alone get one.
Please help immediately, because I don't
want to be the biggest LOSER in my school or a gay person.
PS: Don't tell me to go to advertise myself in a classified magazine!
Searching
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Dear Searching
Honestly, I think you know exactly why you don't have
a girlfriend. Anger and arrogance simply don't mix
with intimacy.
What are you so angry at?
And what
makes you so arrogant?
Usually, these characteristics
are signs of a deep and underlying insecurity not to
mention unresolved issues in your own life.
No girl
needs to take on your problems. Why should any other
person, much less someone you love, have to manage
your feelings? Sorry, but that is your job.
Your
letter also displays a marked lack of self-acceptance.
No outward situation defines whether or not you are a
nerd or a loser. Maybe those people you define as such
are able to make themselves more vulnerable and
lovable than you are. Maybe they just plain know how
to let other people in.
Actually, your arrogance may
be exactly what keeps you from finding the right one.
Arrogance is usually an overcompensation for
insecurity.
On the other hand, I can tell by your
letter that you are bright funny and thoughtful. You
also seem to know exactly what you want, but I don't
think you really do.
What we all want is someone who
loves us and makes us feel safe and appreciated.
I
suggest you start by forming friendships and building
trust with some girls you are attracted to.
Maybe
after you are able to let someone in at least at the
level of friendship, you will be able to give up the
superficial characteristics you describe and find
someone who is lovable, beautiful and kind.
In the
meantime, learn to love yourself. All else springs
from that.
Good luck in your search and keep me posted.
Sincerely,
Dr. TRuth
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