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Relationship Advice from Dr. TRuth |
Dear Doctor TRuth,
I was seeing "Bill" last July. We met through a friend and he lives
pretty far away, but not too far that it would be hard to hang out on
weekends.
We hung out a few times and the dates were wonderful. But his
car broke down and I don't drive. So for the past 6 months we've been
talking on the phone and exchanging emails just about every other night, so
I know we're compatible, and we still tell each other we have feelings for
each other.
Although his car is broken down, he still hasn't made any other
efforts to see me. I hadn't seen any other guys because of my feelings for
him, but after he promised we'd do something over spring break and we
never did I got angry.
I started seeing "Bob" recently. I like him a lot,
and I see him a lot. The only problem is that I still have strong feelings
for "Bill."
Recently, Bill has been promising we're going to see each
other. So, when I finally told Bill about Bob, he explained to me the
reason he'd been promising is because he just bought a car and was going to
surprise me with a visit.
Now I do not know what to do or who to go for.
Bob is much more practical and stable, while Bill has a lot of issues and
things. But I can't help my strong feelings for him. He's a very noble guy
and isn't angry at me for this, he just feels guilty because he knows he
could've prevented the situation. So I do not know what to do or who to
choose.
My gut says to go with Bill, but who knows if I'll once again be
sitting around for another 6 months...there's no guarantees. Plus, I do not
know whether to say anything to Bob, or what I should say in the meantime
while I'm deciding.
I can't pretend that everything is ok.
Thank you! Any advice would be wonderful!
~confused
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Dear "Confused"
You don't say how old you are and that information
would be helpful, but I will give you my answer
anyway.
First of all, you are definitely not ready to
make a commitment to Bill. He has disappointed you a
lot so how could you really trust him.
If he shows
up, and starts coming around again, I would date him
but you need to see how he handles this relationship.
You don't need to explain your self to either of these
guys. I would see both of them and then see what
happens.
Don't tell either of them about the other
just yet. I think you like Bob, but you are not in
love with him at this point. You can't really judge
your feelings since, in your mind, you never really
ended it with Bill.
Since Bill has a car now, see how
he handles coming to see you. If he proves himself
reliable over the next several months, you actually
might have something to decide.
Right now, tell
yourself that it is OK to play the field until you are
more sure of the situation.
If you feel uncomfortable
about not telling Bob, you could say that you want to
go out with him but you just don't feel ready for an
exclusive relationship.
If you can, see both of them
and after a while, you will know what to do.
If Bill
does prove worthy of you, and you still feel so
strongly about him, make sure he completely comes
through when he says he will. The very worst feeling is
to be in a relationship with someone who flakes on you
all the time.
Believe me, you are not ready to decide
anything right now. Just hang loose for a while and
see what feelings develop.
Sincerely,
Dr. TRuth
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