My Husband is Moody and Withdrawn
Dear Dr. TRuth,
My husband and I have been married for a little over 7 years now. I am his third wife and he is 38. I am also 10 years younger than he is.
We are very open about what goes on in our lives as far as looking at other people, flirting etc. We trust each other very much, he more so than me.
He seems to go through these moods of some sort.
For a few months things will be good. He will laugh with me, the bedroom is more active and not just to please him. But then he gets in these ruts, where it's like he is just so unhappy and bored either with me or our marriage.
He doesn't want to spend time with me doing things. It seems that my needs and wants come after work, friends etc.
When I bring up that he never compliments me (which he doesn't) he says that he does all the time to one of our friends. But he doesn't to me.
I have tried to put the spark back in our marriage but he doesn't go for that romantic stuff much anymore. He wants me to be with another woman, but I am not into women like that. I am not even bi-courious.
Please help me, I feel like I am loosing him and I am tired of feeling like every other woman in this world is a knock out worth going after, yet I am nothing but chop liver.
Dear "Number 3"
Thank you for your letter. This does concern me.
This is your husband's third marriage. It makes me wonder what went wrong in his two earlier ones. I wonder if he has actually resolved anything, or just gone on to someone else when the previous marriages didn't work.
I am also concerned about his moods. This feels like a psychological problem such as depression and moodiness, which probably have nothing to do with you.
If he seems to withdraw emotionally for no reason at all or else if outside changes such as job stress cause him to feel extremely down, he may need to talk to a professional about this.
Above all, do not personalize his moodiness. It is definitely not your fault.
Try to communicate with him about what is troubling him. Tell him you really miss him when he acts like this and that you want to help.
It sounds like he doesn't really share much but rather withdraws into himself. This absolutely cuts off any ability to work on things and I suspect this may have been an issue in his earlier relationships.
Above all be kind, loving and supportive but do let him know that his swings are hard on you.
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