James Joyce to Nora Barnacle - classic love letter, famous love letter, and classic letters of love

Main Page

Click here for Sweet Table of Contents
Table of Contents

Main Page

Site Index

Links 2 Love

Love and relationship advice and help with any kind of romantic problem from flirting to getting a date to breaking up - Dr. TRuth - our own "Links 2 Love" - love doctor serves up the truth...

Advice for Love, Marriage Advice, Second Family Advice, Family Relationships.

Great love advice, marriage advice, second family advice, family relationships and marriage problems.
   Relationship Advice from Dr. TRuth
Use PayPal or click here to order by check and get help now!

Dear Dr. TRuth,

I am a 27 year old and engaged for the first time. My fiance is about 10 years older than I, divorced, with three children ages 9, 7 and 4.
We have been together for two years, and we are very much in love, but he is extremely involved with his ex-wife about child-rearing issues.
He is a wonderful man, but sometimes I wonder if he has room for me in his life. I find myself resentful of the time he devotes to his "other" family.
Do you think I should proceed with this marriage?

P. A.

Dear P A,

Obviously you have already felt your fiance's pull toward his children and experienced what being in a "blended" family is all about.
Because you chose a man with three children, you may have sensed from the beginning his involvement and love for them, but perhaps during your courtship period, you denied the reality of this man's prior family obligations and how seriously he takes them.
He is, it seems, being a loving and responsible parent and is giving to his children what you would wish for him to give to your own. Now that dealing with his first family has become a reality for you, you are questioning how much emotional energy will be left to begin life with a new partner.
Here are some factors you might want to consider before you say, "I do."

1. What is the degree of involvement he expects from you in terms of actually parenting his children?

2. How do you feel about his children? Is there an emotional fit?

3. Are you prepared for the inevitable resentment and testing which inevitably arises with you in the role of "Daddy's new wife?"

4. Is he able to separate his disappointments in his previous marriage from his present life with you sufficiently for you to feel emotionally secure in the relationship?

5. Has the issue of future children been agreed upon?

6. Is his style of parenting congruent with your own?

7. Can the two of you communicate about this situation so that you both feel validated and understood?

8. How capable is he of emotional intimacy? Is he over-involved with his children because he fears a repetition of his failed first marriage?

9. Lastly, has he resolved for himself what went wrong in his first marriage? Unresolved issues tend to resurface unless worked through on the emotional level.

These situations can and do work but require monumental sensitivity and a relatively long adjustment period for all concerned.
Keep the lines of communication open and above all, be very patient. Remember that this is a huge change for all concerned and don't expect yourself to love the whole package right off the bat.
What I have found to be extremely useful in these situations is short-term pre-marital counseling. This helps enormously to keep expectations and feelings manageable.
With forethought and understanding, this can be a successful marriage.

Dr. TRuth

List of Advice Letters >>>

Another Advice Letter >>>


  Dr. TRuth will email you with Relationship help and love advice and an answer to your question within 3 days - only $40.

Use this Paypal button
and get help right now!

Simply pay and email your letter to
click here to order by check.        More Relationship Advice >>>

Like this relationship advice?
Send it to a friend!

|Advertise with Links 2 Love | About Links 2 Love | Policy & Legal Information |

Copyright© Links2Love.com All Rights Reserved
This Love Advice Page for Top Search Engine Ranking by Scopelink, Inc.

Love advice and relationship advice and help with any kind of romantic problem from flirting to getting a date to breaking up - just ask doctor love.