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Relationship Advice from Dr. TRuth |
Dear Dr. TRuth,
I live in central Europe, and I would like to
ask you a couple of questions.
I have a big problem.
I
am 18 years old and I
never had a girlfriend in my life (laugh all you
want!).
Girls in my town
only like boys who are handsome and popular. I am
fat, and that deflects most
of the girls from me.
Please, don't give me
diet advice, that could
solve my problem, but I want people to accept me the
way I am.
I don't
consider myself a Sumo wrestler.
I have a cute baby face, normaly shaped healthy
teeth and a normal nose
and ears.
Now that you know something about my looks,
let me tell you what
bugs me.
I don't know how to approach to a girl (in a
disco or somewhere
else), I am always affraid of getting myself
embaresed in front of a girl.
I
am not saying that I am a shy little boy, no, I have a
great sense for humour
and I am very romantic and gentle.
Sometimes I spend
hours and hours of
imagining myself with a girl.
I think how I would kiss
her or entertain her
and she laughs with her sweet
smile.
Please, tell me how to attract
girls, I am very desperate.
I have a simple friendship
with some girls,they
know me very well and they think I am a very good
person.
I have some friends
who behave very badly with their girlfriends, I think
that if those girls
were with me they would be much happier.
I wish
to give my love to
someone because I know that I have so much to
give, but nobody is
interested.
And now let me finish this message. I
would be very thankful for
any kind of advice.
THANKS
Mr. X
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Dear Mr. X,
Thank you for your letter. It is always wonderful to
hear from people from all over the world and your
English is excellent.
I can tell that your self
confidence suffers because of your weight.
Unfortunately,
this is a problem in America
as well.
We live a world in which a person's physique
means a lot especially at your age.
Teenage girls love
muscles because they consider it very masculine and
that's what they are attracted to.
The boys that are
most successful with girls in high school are those
like the ones you've described and they treat girls
like they are a dime a dozen.
Young men such as
yourself see this and it makes you more and more
insecure.
Now here is the good news.
Looks matter the
most when you are in high school.
After that,
personality, character, intelligence and charm count
more than they do at this age.
This probably doesn't
help you right now but there are some actions you can
take to help things along.
What you really lack is
self-esteem.
I define this as the magnet that attracts
and holds friends and girlfriends.
People that feel
insecure about their looks, etc. tend to not be as
popular as those who don't.
I can tell by your letter
that you are not insecure in other areas.
Wanting
people to like you for yourself is a good thing but,
on the other hand, you have to be the best self that
you can be!
One achieves this by working as hard as
you can to achieve and accomplish those things which
make you (not others) feel good and, in this way,
self-confidence begins to grow.
Now, while I certainly
will not tell you to lose weight, I will tell you that
becoming your best self physically and emotionally
will help you to feel better and to have more
self-confidence.
This is not really changing yourself;
rather, it is learning to develop and grow into a
mature individual with good self-esteem.
Whether this
means working out mentally and physically, being an
absolutely wonderful friend, being good at a sport,
being very well-informed...it really doesn't matter.
At your age, what matters is learning to really place
value on making ourselves the best we can be in all
areas of our life.
From what I can tell from your
letter, your personality is wonderful and you a smart,
sensitive and have a sense of fun.
You figure out what
you need to do to make yourself into the most
confident guy around.
The girls will be forming lines
to go out with you.
Good luck!
Please keep in touch with me. I will
always be interested in your progress.
Sincerely,
Dr. TRuth
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