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Relationship Advice from Dr. TRuth |
Dear Dr. TRuth,
I have been dating my boyfriend for almost sixteen
months, and our
relationship has been wonderful until recently.
I
have been going through a
hard time lately, including a disastrous move,
college, and depression.
It
seems like we're just fading away. I find it very
hard to talk to him,
especially about my problems, and he doesn't open up
to me.
Our relationship
is all I can think of, and it's even driven me to be
jealous and suspect him
of straying (I'm usually never jealous and I am very
trusting).
I'm
incredibly confused and heartbroken.
I love him
very much and I do not want
to let him go.
It breaks my heart to see our love
disappearing like this.
Please help me.
Lost in Love
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Dear "L in L"
It occurs to me after reading your letter that you
have been through a fairly trying time and that your
first concern should not be your boyfriend but what
you can do to recover for yourself.
I know you love
him but the bottom line is that no boyfriend can fix
us and he probably is sensing your need to be rescued
right now and is pulling back a bit.
You have not
given me details about what has happened to you but
words like "depression" and "disastrous" are triggers
that tell me you need to deal with the emotional
issues that have caused you to feel this way.
One of
the difficult things about experiencing times like
this is that it causes us to distort reality.
Right
now, because of what you've gone through, you may not
be feeling as lovable as you normally would which
makes you feel that he is pulling back.
Further, no
one can "fix" us when we feel this way.
We have to
take a good, long look at ourselves and figure out how
to pull ourselves out of a downward spiral.
A good
counselor can be very helpful at times like this and
will be able to help to restore you to feeling more
like yourself.
I assume from your letter that you are
in your early to mid twenties. It is not at all
unusual for people your age to go through periods
where life is confusing, painful and overwhelming.
There are many developmental issues which occur around
this time that are painful and difficult to confront:
finishing school, leaving home, deciding what to do
professionally, mate selection, etc.
I think this is
the very best age to seek some professional help to
sort all this out.
After you get yourself back, you
can work on your relationship.
Remember that without
self-esteem and an inner sense of security, we can't
really be with anyone else now, can we!
Please trust
that once this is sorted out, your boyfriend will see
things in a new light and if it isn't meant to be,
someone else even better for you will find you!
Sincerely,
Dr. TRuth
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