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Problems dealing with his girlfriend who demeans him...

Love advice for a guy who is having problems with his girlfriend who demeans him and puts him down...

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Relationship Advice from Dr. TRuth

Dear Dr. TRuth,

Hi I need advice. I am in a relationship with a woman from Russia.

We live together in Illinois now.

Some times I find her abrupt, but the real problem is that she is often raising her eyebrows and saying 'Brian, why do you do this?' or 'why do you do that?'

Then she gives me an expression that looks like - "how stupid can you get?"

If I say ' stop' she will either go over the top in making it up to me or get angry for a while.

Unfortunately when all this happens, I feel very sick to my stomach and wonder what it is all about.

I think in her own way she loves me.

When she is treating me good I feel good, but there are just such extremes.

Call me "Brian"

Dear "Brian"

First let me say that her ethnic style is radically different from your own in that she tends to be more overt and upfront in the way she communicates.

But on the other hand, no one has a right to ridicule or demean you and it seems that she is a poor listener who can't handle feedback.

Second, let me say that I don't think this has much to do with you but rather, the way she has been raised.

Adults who act this way have often been verbally abused as children and made to feel very badly about themselves when they did not please the adults in their environment.

On the other hand, this does not give her the right to treat you this way and it is actually a form of control that is literally making you "sick to your stomach."

You are doing the right thing by telling her to "stop it!" and if she won't, your next best bet is to leave the room and to tell her you will be back when she cuts it out.

Further, there is an excellent book you can read called " The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Patricia Evans.
I have recommended this book to many people and it describes exactly what you are going through.

I suggest you get it and read it, preferably with her when she is in a calm mood.
She needs to know that her behavior is totally unacceptable and is actually very destructive of self and others.

Good luck to you. No one needs to take this kind of treatment. If you don't handle it, believe me, it will erode your self-esteem and no one can afford that!

Dr. TRuth

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Problems dealing with a girlfriend who demeans him... verbally abusive relationship.