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Relationship Advice from Dr. TRuth |
Dear Dr. TRuth,
My boyfriend and I have
been together for a while now, and I love him
dearly, but it seems like we
can't go two days without arguing or fighting.
I
have a feeling like one of
these days I'm not going to be able to handle it
anymore and we will split.
I
don't want this to happen, but nothing seems to
work. I'm always pulling him
aside and talking about how we need to stop because
things are going to get
worse if we don't.
He agrees, but then it never
works out.
I know he loves
me, but please tell me how we can stop
fighting...
Thanx,
Confused
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Dear Confused,
What do you fight about?
This is more of a
communication issue than anything else, but frequent
fighting says to me that there are some underlying
issues in the relationship that need to be worked on.
Sometimes couples fight about things that don't matter
because they are not really talking about the things
that do matter!
Ask yourself the following questions:
What are the real issues in this relationship that are
not being addressed?
How do the two of you handle
these things.
Are you able to be open and honest?
Can
you actually listen well and respond to each other?
Does it feel like things get settled so that both of
you feel OK with the solutions?
It sounds as though
nothing that gets said has any results in terms of
behavior change.
I don't know how old you are but is
counseling an option?
There are reasons the two of
you are at each others' throats. Until you find out
what they are, nothing will change.
See if you can
get him to tell you why he is unhappy, either with
himself or with you.
Listen with an open heart. Then,
do the same for him. Try not to get defensive with
what he says.
It may release a lot of the tension the
two of you seem to be feeling and things just may get
better!
Sincerely,
Dr. TRuth
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