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Relationship Advice from Dr. TRuth |
Dear Doctor TRuth:
I need some advice.
I had been secretly in love with someone, B., for the past 2 years. He
and I are good friends, but he likes someone else, Kara, who is also my
friend.
So since it didn't seem possible for me to express my feelings for him, I
helped him court Kara. Then Kara decided that she wasn't ready to
commit, and broke up with him.
He was so devastated that I didn't know what to do. He wanted me to help them
come back together, so during our Christmas party, I got them to dance together.
But somehow, I felt so sad I had to stop dancing and go somewhere to cry.
Then when he came back and told
me that Kara had rejected him again, I just didn't know if I should feel
glad or sad, or anything at all.
When I was about to leave the dance, he offered to send me off.
We ended up discussing he and Kara. When he told me that he is willing
to wait until Kara accepts him, I felt
my heart die.
I was so sad that i just wanted to end my feelings for him. So I asked him to
close his eyes, kissed him and said goodbye.
Since I didn't think we'd meet again, I thought everything would end there.
But I cannot get my mind off him.
Then I met Kara yesterday at a party. We left together and talked about
their relationship. She told me that she's hesitant about the outcome
and thus is not confident enough to make up with
B.
So I ended up encouraging her to accept B. Then I felt so rotten about myself that I
went home to cry again.
I'm hopeless and I don't think I can take it anymore.
I don't think I can continue being their go-between aunt-agony anymore,
but I can't tell Kara that I love her boyfriend.
What should I do?
In need of a break,
Gone-Between
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Dear Between,
My God! How much suffering can you inflict on
yourself.
Stay out of their relationship!
Tell B. that he is too good to be with someone who doesn't love him and tell
Kara that you don't want to be a go between. Also, don't tell either of them
about your secret passion.
He won't be ready for you
unless he gets over her so tell him he is worth much
more than this kind of suffering. Then give it some
time.
Meanwhile, act friendly to both.
IF he comes
to you, tell him that you care, but that he needs to
work it out for himself.
Tell him you know someone
who likes him, but that you can't tell him till he
gets over this. Then see what happens.
Besides, this
is a self-esteem issue for you. Don't you think you
deserve someone for yourself?
The only way to find
out if there can really be anything between you and
B. is to let him heal, and then see if he
responds to you.
Also, I wouldn't spend that much
time with either of them right now. Hang out with
others. You may actually meet someone else that you
like even better.
Waiting around won't get you
anywhere and may actually be an unconscious statement
that you don't think you can get your own guy.
Believe me, you can.!
Let me know how it goes. Good luck..
Sincerely,
Dr. TRuth
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