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Meeting, Dating, Mating and Relationship Advice!
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"Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?"
Are first impressions really that important? Do you have to be looking your best at all times, just in case Mr. Right comes along? Most women may say yes, even without a second though- but the truth remains, there's much more to it!
Many young women spend hours agonizing over their physical appearance, whether it be shopping for clothes and makeup, prepping their face and hair for someone, or agonizing over what to wear.
Magazines and television tell us that it is important to look your best, and that the 'beautiful people' are the only ones who will have true success in their love lives. Fortunately for those of us who don't live on a billboard or a network television show, that's just not true.
In a crowded bar, those flashy-good looks may get people noticed across a room,
but ask just about anyone- do you really want or expect to meet your life partner in a bar?
Most relationships are chance meetings in unusual places.
In fact, when I consider where I met all of my significant relationships,
none were a conventional meeting; they ranged from at the pencil sharpener,
to walking my dog, to taking a Karate class. Just ask around-
how many couples that are happy together met in a bar?
You'll find that most met somewhere like the grocery store, gym, or coffee shop.
So, the fact remains that unless you've primped in front of the mirror for an hour
every time you go for a run or take out the trash, chances are you're not going to be
expecting it when you meet that special someone.
And honestly, that is a good thing. Just like your mother and everyone else have always told you, you should be liked for who you are, not who you are pretending to be, or who you wish you were. Before you ask yourself "how can I make him/her like me?" you should be examining why you are interested. Is it purely physical, or is there something more to the attraction? Do you two share common interests, activities, or attitudes? So, rule #1 is:
-Be Yourself.
Studies have shown that initial attraction is often dependent upon much more than physical appearance. In fact, one of the determining factors in initial attraction between couples is similarity of attitude. Especially in the beginning stages of a relationship, having the similar attitudes has been shown to an important factor in its success.
So, if you your crush well enough to know that you share similar attitudes on things, you're on the right track. If you don't know even that much, then maybe you should do a little 'investigating.' This doesn't have to be a covert operation- sometimes a little small talk goes a long way. Talk to them, whether alone or in a group, and you'll learn a lot more about what makes them tick.
Of course, just talking to the crush, or letting them know you're alive and interested, is a challenge to many. That's where rule #2 applies:
-Be Noticed.
Read up on the 'how to' flirting articles- take the flirting quizzes- make sure your 'flirtability factor' is at maximum! When asked later why they didn't ask someone out or try to get to know a certain person better, many guys and girls have responded 'I didn't know who they were', or 'I didn't know they were interested in me!'
The Familiarity Hypothesis, when applied to interpersonal and romantic relationships says that repeated exposure in a positive light increases affection . What does this mean in English? Well, basically, that the more someone sees you, especially when you're smiling and happy, the more attractive that person may find you. So truly, if it wasn't love at first sight, you can always walk by again. And again, and again, and again.
Just as you may be afraid of rejection, remember that whether or not they are willing to admit it, everyone else is too! No-one likes to be told 'no', and if your crush is one that just won't go away, then you have to be willing to take that risk. Which leads us to rule #3: If all else fails,
-Be Bold!
You've flirted, smiled, befriended, chatted, even asked your friends about that certain
someone, but they still haven't noticed you! Well, chances are by now that you know the
other person well enough to get a feeling of whether the two of you would get along
together. If the answer is still a resounding 'yes', then it's time to take matters
into your own hands.
This is the 21st century after all- it's not going to shock a
guy to be asked out by a girl for a change. You can start with something small-
but the fact remains that you need to get some one-on-one time with your crush.
This could be as simple as walking somewhere together, studying together,
or grabbing a snack or coffee together. At the risk of sounding like someone
you've heard a thousand times, 'what's the worst thing that can happen?' At least
if they say no, you'll be able to put them behind you and move on.
Which brings us to the final rule:
-Be Happy.
This is going to not only help you attract that crush,
but makes your life much easier in the long run!
People like to be with people who are like them, and people like to be happy!
Admit it, did you develop that crush because he/she was sitting in the corner
looking morose? Probably not.
Remember, it's about 'putting yourself in a
positive light.' When you feel confident, and good about yourself, others notice.
Heck, you might even find out your 'crush', has a 'crush' on you!
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