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I Really Love My Boyfriend, but I Cheated on Him ...
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Dear Dr. TRuth,
I am 21 years old and have been with my boyfriend for
almost 8 months. This is my first relationship and I
am truly in love with him.
I went on a trip to
California with two of my guy friends from home. One of
the guys had a crush on me and I used to have a huge
crush on the other one. I have been friends with both
of them for years so has my boyfriend so there was
nothing for him to worry about.
The only problem was
when I was drunk I hooked up with the kid I used to have a crush
on. I told him I would never tell my
boyfriend because we were just having fun but he
suspected something.
I told my boyfriend the truth which
really hurt him but he says he wants to work it out
because he loves me and does not want to lose me. I felt
so guilty before he knew and know I feel so guilty
afterwards but I really do love him and want to be
with him.
I think I was just scared that he was going
to be the last person I am ever going to be with.
I
just need some advice how to get over what I did.
Also, do you think we can work things out knowing that
I deceived my "true love."
Please help...
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Dear "Please"
Alcohol will do that sometimes. It just gives us
permission to use the "but I was drunk" excuse.
Here's
what I think...
Ok, so you are really in love for the
first time and that is absolutely wonderful.
But there
is a part of you that doesn't feel ready to make a
full on commitment just yet. That's the part that
slept with your friend.
Yes, you can work it out and
probably will, but are you really ready to give up
"playing the field."
While it is wonderful and joyful
to have found a soulmate, at your age, as mature as
you think you are, very few of us are ready to give up
being an adolescent/young adult. Most of us need more
time to develop, mature, find out who we are. Only
then can we possibly be ready to say that we want to
spend the rest of our lives with someone. As hard as
this sounds, part of you just does not feel ready to
give it all up just yet.
The good news is that you behaved honorably towards
your boyfriend by telling him the truth. It is even
better news that he forgave you.
Now, all you have to
do is forgive yourself and stop feeling so guilty that
you did what most people your age want to do and that
is, be free.
If you want to stay in a committed relationship right
now, that is fine, as long as you tell yourself you
are not ready to even consider marriage. This is your
first real relationship and that is great. But in no
way does this mean it is your last.
In the meantime, work on your life. Finish your
education, finish growing up, develop your interests,
become a whole human being. Allow your boyfriend to do
the same. If the relationship is still there in a
couple of years, fantastic. If no, someone equally
lovable will come along.
Give yourself credit for the good you have done in
this situation. It is completely normal. Thanks for
your letter and keep me posted.
Sincerely,
Dr. TRuth
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