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Relationship Advice from Dr. TRuth |
Dear Dr. TRuth,
HELP!
I need to know - What is Love?
And
1) Who should Love more - the guy or the girl?
In a relationship, should it be the guy or the
girl to love more or should there be equality?
Also,
2) How do you know if it's a crush, infatuation or
love?
Please help me...
Thanks a lot,
Confused.
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Dear "Confused"
Thank you for your excellent questions.
These are easy
to ask and difficult to answer but here goes: I'll
start with the second one first.
In the beginning, infatuation (or a crush) and love feel exactly the
same.
We feel like our hearts are opening up for the
first time and being around the person of our choice
feels just like magic, like someone has cast a spell
on us and that the world fades away in the presence of
our beloved.
Colors are brighter, birds sing more
sweetly and happiness overwhelms us. This is wonderful
news when it happens.
Unfortunately, the down side is
that these feelings of being inebriated on love do not
last for very long. Once they fade, people are
disappointed that they no longer feel the crush or
infatuation to the intensity that they did before;
they therefore feel they have fallen "out of love."
Actually, this is where love begins and infatuation
ends.
Real love means understanding and sharing with
our loved ones as deeply as possible.
Real love is the
total acceptance of another human being with all their
flaws, and believe me, we all have them.
Real love
means letting go of all pretense, fantasy,
expectations that our lover will be perfect and that
we will never feel negatively and get angry at them.
This is pure nonsense.
The problem that most teenagers
have is that once this infatuated feeling dies, they
don't have the understanding to let the love pass into
the next stage which is more like the one I just
described and, while it doesn't seem as exciting
anymore, it is replaced by a feeling of security and
completeness which is marvelous and comforting, safe
and loving.
As far as your first concern: all real love is based
on mutual respect, admiration and concern with each
others well-being.
Having said that, equality is the
only way!
Now this doesn't mean that we all always
feel equal in our feelings.
Sometimes, one person in a
relationship will feel closer and the other more
distant but, overall, people in close relationships
should feel equally close and equally loving.
They
should feel the complete safety to be wholly
themselves and they should feel that, while they could
probably survive life on their own, having this
particular person enhances their sense of why they
have been put on this planet!
Remember, nothing else
matters without love.
As the Beatles have said: "Love
is all you really need!"
Sincerely,
Dr. TRuth
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