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Marriage Advice - Keeping the Kissing and Passion Alive - and More
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Kissing Connectivity
by Edel Jarboe
A kiss can mean so much, or nothing at all. Remember when you were five years old and
you thought kissing was yucky? It wasn't until adolescence that the meaning of a kiss was
slowly revealed to us. Between giggles we confessed our first kisses, our secret initiation
into the "adult" world. No one talks about kisses anymore. Oh, we read about them in
romance novels or see them on the big screen, but no one discusses them in hushed
whispers between blushes and giggles.
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We are adults.
Kissing is commonplace for us now.
Most of us kiss our partners without thinking at least once a day. But shouldn't a kiss always
be special?
What Is a Kiss?
A kiss is more than the sharing of lips and breath. It is a mingling of hearts and souls. A
slight tingle, a funny feeling in the tummy, a racing heart, is to be expected. A kiss is an
intimate connection to another human being and a simple way to express love and
affection. It is also a way for us to confirm that our partner is the one and traditionally, the
marriage vow is sealed with a kiss as well. What better way to seal the promise of love?
The First Kiss
The anticipated first kiss is one that we both long for and dream about. And, whether
remembered as sweet and tender, shy and hesitant, or as bumped heads and noses, we
don't forget it. A kiss is a thing of wonder. We wonder if and when the object of our
affections will bestow us with a kiss. We wonder if our knees will get weak, our pulse will
race, or if it will be a dud. So much depends on a kiss.
We analyze every detail of our interaction with the opposite sex with the precision of a
scientist. He smiled at you when you walked by. Does he like you? You went to see a
movie with subtitles and he seemed to like it. Does he really like foreign movies or is he
only trying to please you? Will he call you again? You go out on your second date. And
then, somehow, you kiss. Your heart soars. He likes you! Could this be love?
According to Leslie Parrott, Ed.D, co-director of the Center for Relationship Development
(http://www.realrelationships.com) at Seattle Pacific University and author of
"Relationships: Making Bad Relationships Better and Good Relationships Great", women
do read more into kissing than men. "It can make them feel attractive, cared for, and even
boost their self-esteem. Women unconsciously use kissing as a barometer for how much
they're respected, valued, and loved," says Dr. Parrott. |
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The Passionate Kiss
You can't wait to feel and touch each other. Your mouths and hands are busy, your hearts
are pounding, and you can literally see sparks fly.
Passion is a wonderful thing. |
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It makes us
feel more alive, more connected to our partner. But, realistically, one cannot expect
passion in every kiss. Kisses can range from slow, sweet ones to urgent, fiery ones.
Moreover, it is unrealistic to expect passion every single day of our lives. |
How many times in books, the movies, and in real life has it been proven that a
relationship built on passion alone cannot survive? Without a deep, emotional connection
between two people, a lasting love cannot thrive. And by lasting love, I mean one that can
withstand the ups and downs of every day life. Factors like compatibility, similar values and
goals, mutual respect, trust, and friendship should be weighed alongside physical
attraction. A passion that feeds on itself will eventually burn out.
Are you and your partner in a romantic rut? Have your kisses with your partner lost their
zing lately? Don't throw in the towel just yet. As your relationship continues to grow,
continue to grow the passion. If you and your partner concentrate on feeling an emotional
connection with each other, you will make a passionate connection as well. "For couples
who have been [together] for some time, kissing isn't as exciting as it was when you first
started dating," says Dr. Leslie Parrott. "But you need to continue to make kissing a
priority," she continues. "Passionate kissing is great but one of the goals of kissing is to stay
connected."
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The Perfunctory Kiss
"Bye, Honey. Have a nice day," we say with a quick peck on the lips as we leave in the
morning to start our workday. It's part of the routine. Just one more thing to do on our way
out the door. Often, once the days of courtship are over, couples tend to fall into a routine,
which is anything but romantic.
A kiss can communicate so much. Love, tenderness, passion, and devotion, to name just a
few. It can also serves as a barometer of a relationship.
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"Because kissing is a part of the
daily interaction a couple shares, it can send spontaneous and frequent signs of affection
and love," Dr. Parrott states. In the early stages, we kiss our partners a lot because we need
the reassurance that a kiss can bring. Once we are settled into a relationship, we need less
reassurance because we feel more secure in our partner's love.
But, as time goes on, there
is the danger that a couple will stop expressing their love with kisses. The kisses start to
taper off. You only kiss hello or good bye or while making love. The love that is between
you, while cherished, is not something that you think about anymore. It is just there.
Sometimes spoken, sometimes not.
No one likes to be taken for granted, especially not your partner, and your love shouldn't be
either. A kiss is such a simple way to keep the love you and your partner share alive. Notice
that I said share.
Both you and your partner owe it to each other to work at keeping the love
and passion alive. Yes, love requires work too. Anything worth doing or worth having does.
However, Dr. Parrott also advises "while it's great when you and your partner are on the
same passion scale, there will be times when one partner will go through a quieter time
sexually. Don't take it personally or withdraw. Stay connected by talking and touching and
giving them space."
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Kissing 101
1. Remember how special you and your partner are together.
2. Be creative. Kiss your partner's forehead, eyelids, cheeks, nose and chin, before kissing
your partner on the mouth.
3. If you don't like your partner's kissing style, tell them gently how you would like to be
kissed. Better yet, show them.
4. Gently caress your partner's hands, neck, or back as you kiss. Make it more than a mere
meeting of the lips.
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5. If you don't have time for a "real kiss", make a verbal promise of "Later." You and your
partner will have something to look forward to and you will have put the magic of
anticipation back into your relationship.
Other Daily Steps to Intimacy:
1. Really listen to each other.
2. Be there for each other.
3. Touch each other.
4. Go out on a "date" at least once a month. Maybe even re-create your first date.
5. Have a candlelight dinner.
6. Plan a special day together for just the two of you.
More Passion Tips
Provided by Dr. Leslie Parrott:
1. Have a "How's your love life?" conversation.
Ask your partner to rate their level of
passion and intimacy on a scale of 1 to 10. The very act of having the conversation
increases the level of satisfaction for both of you.
2. Write a love letter to your mate.
Make it a little unpredictable. Throw your partner off
guard by saying things you don't normally say.
3. Agree to take turns initiating affection so it doesn't always fall to the same partner.
4. Every once in a while, schedule passion on your calendar in advance.
Focus on your
"appointment" in the hours preceding so your passion and excitement has time to really
build.
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We hope that the following links will be helpful
to you in your journey together: |
Secrets for Marital Excitement
If you've been married for a long time, this site can be used to
troubleshoot your issues and guide you towards making your marriage "more passionate, fulfilling, and loving" as
time goes on.
They provide guidance from professionals for improving your
relationship with your spouse and changing your
attitudes, emotions, and behavior for the better.
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The Marriage Toolbox
The toolbox is devoted exclusively to marriage - from creating a marriage
and planning a wedding to maintaining a healthy marriage and supporting couples with
fresh approaches to relationships. It contains uplifting information and creative solutions for contemporary marriage
issues. |
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Marriage Builders
This site introduces some of the best ways to overcome marital conflicts and
some of the quickest ways to restore love. A wide range of topics is covered in
articles, discussions, and advice. |
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