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Relationship Advice - I Want to Be More Than Just Friends |
Dear Dr. TRuth,
I am an eighteen year-old male with a four year old problem.
I am in love with my one of my best friends. At least I think I am in love with her.
When I first met her, I really didn't like her. She was always so
annoying. But then we got to know each other better and she sort of grew on
me.
Not very long after I started to get to know her, I started to think
about her romantically. Soon after, we became like brother and sister,
always together. And my feelings have done nothing but grown since then.
It took me about a year to work up the courage to tell her about the
feelings I had for her. When I finally did, she told me that we had too good
of a friendship, that she didn't want to ruin it, that I was like a brother
to her and that she couldn't feel that way for me. But I just can't shake
this feeling.
Several times the pain I feel has grown so strong that I needed to take
a 'vacation' from her, which just gave my mind time to fantasize about how
great she is and how someday she has to give me a shot.
But when I am away from her for so long, I miss her to the point where the only
thing I want to do is be with her. No matter how much it hurts to know
she doesn't feel the same way.
I have actually cried about this almost a hundred times.
The only advice I have gotten so far is to 'get over it', and if I could, I would.
But I can't.
I think that the reason I can't get over this is because I can't let go of the hopes
that some day, she may change her mind. And I truly believe that if she did feel the same,
I would marry her in a heartbeat. And there I go again with the 'ifs'.
I'm sure that you get alot of mail, and what's going on in my world doesn't affect you,
but please, help me.
Thank you,
X-treme pain
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Dear "X"
I know this is hard and painful, but we can't force someone to love us
just because we love them.
At some level, we all have to realize that the right person will come along for us.
While we are waiting for this magical event, we have to work on ourselves non-stop
to be the best person we can possibly be while we are waiting.
That means doing things to build our self-confidence by succeeding in our life activities.
If Madame X just wants to be your friend, it actually may be too painful for you to hang
out with her right now.
You do need to make some new friends and actually ask some other girls out, even
though right now it may just be going through the motions. Get involved with new people
and new activities and try to build a life separate from her.
She may even look at the new you and think, "Hey, he's hot!"
Wasting your life mooning after her will just make you seem pathetic to her and you don't
want that.
You could play a little harder to get and she may even start wondering why you are not
panting over her as much as you used to.
The more you move on, the more appealing you will become, not just to her, but to everybody
else.
"X", I am right. Please give this a try.
Sincerely,
Dr. TRuth
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