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wanting to be more than friends ...
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Relationship Advice - I Want to Be More Than Just Friends
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Dear Dr. TRuth,
I was seeing this girl for about 6 wks [minus sex] when she decided that she
did not want to be involved in a relationship at that time in her life.
We had not seen each for about 3 wks when she contacted me and was making
small talk. She called again a couple of days later and asked why I hadn't
called her back.
After a week, I sent an email to her and said "Hi."
She responded with "Well, it took you long enough."
Ever since then, we have been hanging out again, but she is focusing on her career now
and can't devote enough time towards a relationship. She sounds closer than
she was before, but still is not committed to dating.
We talked about this today and we are going to remain "friends" and still hang out, but with no
strings attached.
She knows how I feel about her. I don't love her, but I could.
We are perfect for each other...we both agree. But, for some reason,
the relationship will not go any further with this career thing on her mind.
My question to you is...should I remain friends with her and still hang out
and kiss and stuff or should I just walk away?
I really don't want to lose her as a friend. I am thinking that she may come around eventually and I'll
be there for her.
It's a tough call, but I need some pointers and some advice.
Thank you,
Tough Call
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Dear "Tough Call"
You don't say anything about your friend's background but she definitely has her issues with intimacy.
I think your friend is terribly afraid of getting close to anyone
and that, whether she likes you romantically or not, her "issues" are in the way.
It sounds like the two of you really can communicate.
You have told her very directly how you feel and she has told you that she
can't handle any more than that right now.
There is your answer.
Stay friends and keep this going but definitely do not put all your apples in one basket.
Start seeing other people as well. This may jolt her into reality a bit as to what a good thing she is
passing up.
In the meantime, you can flirt with her: touch her arm when you speak, smile at her, look into
her eyes and listen to her attentively.
See if you can move the conversation to more emotional issues. You
can discuss your background, her background, hopes, dreams, fears, all those things that bring two people
closer together.
Bottom line: I don't think it is her career that is keeping her away from you.
I think either she has been hurt in the past or has some other fears
which make her use her career as a way of staying alone and therefore in control.
Keep me posted, but in the meantime: see who else is out there.
Sincerely,
Dr. TRuth
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