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Relationship Advice from Dr. TRuth |
Dear Dr. TRuth,
I really need some help my boyfriend of two years.
All of a sudden told me he didn't want to be in a relationship with me.
All he wants to be is friends,
and he doesn't want to be with anyone right now.
He says he loves me just
that he doesn't love me the way I love him.
He still has all his things in
my house and he calls me "babe."
Now that he broke up with me, he's able to talk to me about everything.
When we were together he was
very cold for the last
eight months.
I never wanted to fall for him the
way I did cause I didn't
want to get hurt, now I feel like he took my heart
and stomped on it and
threw it away like a piece of garbage.
I love him
and want to be with him
only he says to give him time and "you never know
what's gonna happen."
I told
him that I would not be with anyone else and that
I don't need to be with a man.
He says he knows that
I'm not going anywhere.
I just feel so hurt and
empty inside.
How to I keep
going on trying to hide the pain that I feel?
I cry
myself to sleep at night. I can't eat.
I feel so lost and empty inside that
it's driving me crazy.
Please help.
"Feeling Empty"
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Dear Empty
I don't blame you for feeling the way you do!
Your
friend doesn't want a relationship, he wants a mother!
While he was able to be intimate with you, he withdrew
emotionally.
Now that he doesn't have to be with you,
he is able to be intimate.
This kind of behavior
indicates an emotional immaturity which has nothing to
do with how much he loves you but rather his own
emotional ability to really be in a relationship with a
woman who loves him and cares for him.
I know that you
don't want to lose him but I think the real point here
is whether or not you ever really had him.
He will not
give you any guarantee of returning nor does he tell
you he wants to work on the relationship.
That doesn't
give you much to hold on to, does it?
Here's what I
think: if you can afford it, get some counseling to
help you to recover from this abandonment.
You also
need someone to help you deal with the loss of
self-esteem which being brutally abandoned engenders.
Since self-esteem is the most important thing we can
possibly teach our children, it is essential that you
get enough for yourself so that you don't have to beg
or plead for this man to come back.
He should want to
of his own accord or, not at all!
You need to learn to
love yourself enough to choose a man who will honor
and love the commitment he has made to you.
Tell your
present friend that he has not treated you well and
that unless he is willing to really work on things, he
should not call you babe or treat you like he is still
with you!
He has everything he wants now, doesn't he!
While you are healing, it may be best for you not to
hang out with him or even see him.
It is
excruciatingly painful to be with someone as a friend
that you once had a love relationship with!
Tell him
you need time to heal and that you will call him when
you are ready to see him again.
Let him miss you and
the good things you gave him!
He may just begin to
appreciate you again.
In the meantime, if you can
learn that you are beautiful, valuable and desirable
and really really believe it, if he doesn't come back,
you will find someone to give you the love you
deserve!
Sincerely,
Dr. TRuth
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