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She wants to know what to do about a guy who just wants to be friends - when she wants more than friendship -- Love advice and relationship advice and help with any kind of romantic problem from flirting to getting a date to breaking up - Dr. TRuth - our own "Links 2 Love" - love doctor serves up the truth with her unparalled relationship advice ...

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Relationship Advice - I Want to Be More Than Just Friends

Dear Dr. TRuth,

     Last weekend the guy I've liked since the beginning of the school year just confessed that he too likes me, but there's a problem.

     He doesn't think that he's ready for a relationship.

     He told me that he still thinks about what it would be like to go out with other girls he meets, and although he never really wants to, he thinks it's wrong that he considers that.

     We talked for over 4 hours when he told me how he felt, I also shared my feelings.

     I found out that he has also liked me for the same amount of time.

     While the feeling died once in a while, it always returned. Neither one of us ever said anything because we were afraid it would ruin our friendship, but lately it was kind of an unspoken fact that we felt this way.

     However, he told me that he thinks we should just be good friends, even though he wants to go out, he thinks that would be for the best.

     From what I've gathered by talking to him a lot lately is that he's focusing on the bad a relationship could have, the break up, possibility of no longer being friends, and hurting me or himself.

     I've tried to get over him before and he's done the same with me; it didn't work for either of us.

     Now we are attempting to be friends, but I don't know how.
     I just can't think of him as a friend because the whole time I've known him I've been attracted to him. When we've seen each other in the past week it's been okay when we are talking about how we feel, but when that conversation ends things become awkward.

     Neither of us knows how to behave and we almost end up avoiding each other.

     I just want things to be all better whether we end up going out (which I prefer) or we learn how to become friends; I just don't know what to do right now.

     Thanks for your help.


Dear "Confused"

     This young man is simply not ready even though he obviously has feelings for you.

     It is awkward because you want the relationship to progress and he doesn't.

     The bottom line is, can you accept his feelings not to go ahead?

     If you can't, it may be too hard to be with him at all.

     I wonder why he feels so responsible for others. He doesn't seem to have very much faith in ongoing relationships. He won't allow himself to enjoy what could be because he is so afraid of what might happen down the line!

     Something in his early life has really frightened him and my guess is that if you continue to hope for him to change, you will be disappointed.

     As hard as this is, I would begin to look around and start to date others.

     Continue a friendship with him but let him know you have no expectations of him and that you respect his wish not to have a romantic relationship with you.

     Let him know you have begun to date others and really go for it.

     By holding on to something that he may never allow, you are limiting yourself from exposure to some good things that may happen by seeing other people.

     Bottom line is that by holding on to this, you get to play it safe yourself.

     Both of you are stuck in a status quo and he is not ready to be tied down.

     Respect his wishes and take care of yourself by dating other boys.

     We can't change people, you know!

     We can only learn to take very good care of ourselves.

Dr. TRuth

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    Love advice and great relationship advice and help with any kind of romantic problem from flirting to getting a date to breaking up -- even dealing with the situation where you want to be more than friends - just ask doctor love for relationship advice - and what to do about a guy if he only wants to be a friend -- or 'just friends', doesn't want a romantic relationship, just a friendship, and you want more...