James Joyce to Nora Barnacle - classic love letter, famous love letter, and classic letters of love

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Love and relationship advice and help with any kind of romantic problem from flirting to getting a date to breaking up - Dr. TRuth - our own "Links 2 Love" - love doctor serves up the truth...

Relationship Advice from Dr. TRuth

Dear Dr. TRuth,

I have a girlfriend that I have been dating for 5 months now. She lives in another city, and as I am only 16, it creates a problem with travel back and forth, but sometimes we really like that, because sometimes we need our space.

But you see (I feel horrible saying this), but a lot of the time, I am not attracted to her physically. She is overweight. Sometimes it doesn't matter, but sometimes it really hits me.

But personality-wise, she is the most amazing girl I have ever met in my entire life. We connect 24/7 all the time. We almost broke up just a few weeks ago, so we are kinda "starting over."

But I don't know quite why I got back together with her because beforehand, I was having real big doubts about us.
And so sometimes I think I just got back together with her because she was close to suicide when we broke up, and I didn't want her to do anything stupid like that.
I know it was a little bit of guilt in that factor, but I honestly never wanted to hurt her, but sometimes I want the relationship to end.
I am ALWAYS within indecision! I just can't figure out my emotions.

I don't know if I really do love her, or not. I've heard that if there are doubts, it usually means no, but I am so afraid of having regret if we break up (Because there would be no possibility of connecting again in the future.)

Now... There is another girl. An ex from awhile ago. She is very attractive, and she just seems less serious and high strung. I know I want something less serious (as my current girlfriend is VERY serious about this relationship.)

I don't think I can handle such a serious relationship with my gf, but sometimes I don't mind. But to her (my current gf) it is LITERALLY life or death with this relationship. She has said honestly that she'd run away with me should I ever want to. But I just cannot say that back to her.

I can't drop my life for her. But this second attraction doesn't seem too serious. I know I need to figure out stuff my current gf first, and my feelings too. But with all this confusion, how the heck do I sort out my own feelings?

I don't know how to. I will never cheat on my current girlfriend, but again, there is still this other girl that I may be attracted to (both personality-wise and physically.)

Sheesh... I have written a long letter, and I REALLY need help!
I've asked friends, but it just doesn't help me.

-lost and confused

Dear Lost and Confused,

First, let me say that at sixteen you are in no way ready for this commitment nor are you ready for the guilt she is laying on you.

Second, this girl has you hooked in a way that makes you feel like a prisoner. You don't know whether you love her because your feelings are so intermingled with guilt and a sense of responsibility toward her.

She does sound a bit unstable ( i.e., using emotional threats to keep you there) and this makes me think that you are in this relationship for the wrong reasons.

Third, you kind of like someone else and at your age that is completely normal. You should want to experiment and see what else is out there for you.
I know you are frightened that if you are honest with
your current girlfriend that the relationship will be over but on the other hand, if you are not able to be honest, you don't have a real relationship anyway.

It might help to be truthful: this means telling her that you do love her but can't handle this massive commitment so early in your life!

This would be healthy and wise and if she is able to have a boyfriend instead of an emotional slave, she should be able to handle this.
If she can't, and keeps you
there by threats, she probably needs a kind of therapy which you can't give her.

Good luck in this. I know it's a tough situation.

Dr. TRuth

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