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Relationship Advice from Dr. Luvmore |
Dear Dr. Luvmore,
I'm unsure on whether my boyfriend of about 3 years is emotionally abusing me.
I know I start a lot of fights, but the words that he says to me are unbelievable.
Last night I was told im nothing but a dirty whore that would be nothing without him. He said he thinks I should go find myself a nice drug addict to be with and hopefully I overdose and die.
He repeatedly brings up my past and past relationships stating none of them wanted me either.
I'm depressed to begin with and I can't handle him and his words anymore.
I do plan on leaving, but most of our fights are because I won't be intimate with him, so he keeps saying he should go out and find someone else.
I haven't heard him say I love you in months, and he rarely kisses me or anything.
I just want to know what I might have been doing wrong or if it's not so much me.
Thank you,
Abused
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Dear Abused,
You are right to feel that you are being abused.
No one should have to be treated the way you have been in this relationship.
Every aspect of this relationship you've related to me sounds dysfunctional.
My advice to you- get out.
Run, don't walk, out of this relationship!
It is extremely unhealthy. It sounds as if your self esteem is already dangerously low, and he is just damaging it more every day.
Be careful when you make your move to leave though, someone as verbally abusive as this has the potential to become physically abusive as well (if he hasn't already).
It would be good to make a clean break from him, because although he abuses you now constantly, he will probably not want you to end the relationship on your terms.
Many men will try to 'make it up to' their partners and tell them 'I will change', but without professional help, this doesn't happen. It only promotes the "cycle of violence."
Make arrangements with your friends/family, find a new place to stay, and move on.
You also may want to work out your self esteem issues before seeking another relationship.
The old saying is true-you must first love yourself in order to love someone else.
You sound like a nice person in a bad situation. You deserve to have much more happiness in your life.
Dr. Luvmore
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